After being persuaded by a friend, I decided that keeping a baby blog might actually be beneficial to me. Despite not being very good at documenting these types of things, I am really going to try. I'm sure it will be nice to look back at these memories someday and possibly share them with others.
I suppose I'll begin with an update from my last doctor's appointment, which was on July 6th. At that time, I was 18 weeks along. I gained 4 pounds since my visit the previous month. Altogether, I've gained 7 pounds so far. We also heard the baby's heartbeat for the 3rd time, which measured at 138. The doctor tells me that all of my tests have come back very good and the pregnancy is going very well so far, in her opinion. Physically, I'm feeling much better in my second trimester than I was in my first. I had horrible morning sickness at all times of day and was usually too tired to do much of anything. The only complaints I've had this past month seem to be with my hormones and feeling a lot of pain in my back and legs. I've just been extremely irritable and I often feel sad or upset.
So far, pregnancy is a lot different than I expected it to be. I envisioned everyone being excited about the baby and doing anything they can to help out, which is very much not the case. When I told my mom, she seemed like she really didn't care. She just asked a bunch of questions as if I were an irresponsible teenager that had no idea what I was doing. I suppose she's gotten slightly better... but, not by much. She never calls to check on me or ask how my check-ups went. I almost think I would be better off if she just flat out told me she didn't care. My dad was pretty much the same way, in the beginning. Lately, he has seemed a lot more interested though. My husband's parents have been excited since the minute we told them. They have really been very supportive and understanding.
I still don't think the fact that I'm pregnant has fully sunken in yet. My husband and I are both very excited.. but, I'm also very scared. It seems like everyone is doubting us but, I know we both have so much love to give our baby. I just want to be able to give him or her the stable and loving home that I didn't really have as a young child.
No worries, Johnna having one set of parents there for you is a gift, all though it may not seem so since your own are so distant from this miracle moment. Keep your spirit up and your mission in mind, never let those insecurities or unmet desires bring you down. this is your moment, not your moms or your dads. This is about you and Alex and your baby. If anyone wants in on it, well thats a gift you give to them, not the other way around. Focus on your love and what you want and thats all that will matter for the rest of your olife. Remember this is your life now, you created this, you have a husband and a baby inside you who will need you to show him/her how incredible life can be. And since you didnt have that, you are the perfect mother to bring that into all 3 of your lives. Good luck love and keep writing, i love it.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for these words. I've felt this way all along and have been made to feel guilty for it. You are absolutely right though... I choose who I share this with and I'm extremely determined to give my little one the most incredible life that I possibly can.
ReplyDelete